"The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one’s relationship has a glowing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing, it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of Divine accident." ― Sir Hugh Walpoe
I have desperately been trying to figure out what this means since I was about 13. It is in the completely blissful times of my life that I forgotten about this very thing I have never fully understood; however, it just takes a bit of damage to my heart, a bit of instability to remind me once more. I wonder, will God ever be enough? Why does it feel as though some people have achieved this sort of nirvana and I have not? Am I doing something wrong? Have I never fully known loneliness in order to learn this? And if so, am I willing to go through the shadowy, frightful valleys so that I may know that God truly is enough? And if I take those undesirable routes, will I still decide to follow God at the end of it or will I turn away, trying to rip apart every inch of the contract I signed without never fully having known emotional pain, betrayal, or a wrestling of faith? All that I have heard for the past week is, “I am afraid, I feel alone, I am afraid, I feel alone…God, where are you? Where is my friend? Wait, am I alone?” I hear silence from above and I refuse to expose anyone else to my doubts, to the real me because I am wretched, I am doubtful, I am not perfect and in this world, people cannot seem to tolerate the broken.
Reality is that it feels as though loneliness is my enemy because according to my tally, I have encountered it more times than I wished. It is one of the few things that has broken through the walls I have built and I am deeply afraid of the nostalgia and hopelessness it has brought into my life. How can it have this much power?
But, somehow…somehow, God is enough.
"Love is a hint of heaven, but sometimes it feels more like a tease. Pitchforks and perfection, messengers, maniacs, and miracles, dueling maestros: I’ve seen God, I’ve seen the devil. And I’m not always sure which is which. So am I visually impaired?
Or do those two often appear more similar than I care to admit?”
What are you doing the rest of your life?
North and south and east and west of your life?
I have only one request of your life
That you spend it all with me.
All the seasons and the times of your days.
All the nickels and the dimes of your days.
Let the reasons and the rhymes of your days.
All begin and end with me.